She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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