My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
