A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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