Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
if only i could text you this smell
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
