My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
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