Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
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