he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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