why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
