I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
