he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
