there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
We have so much sex to catch up on
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
