I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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