Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
