I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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