We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
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