do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
