his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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