Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
