listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
