I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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