she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
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