1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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