My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Randomize
