He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize