I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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