I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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