So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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