genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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