Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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