he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Randomize
