Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
is wine microwaveable?
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize