Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
