u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
