I accidentally had phone sex last night
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I could fuck to npr.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
