We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
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sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
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In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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