His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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