wrigley field is MILF paradise
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I believe in your delicious
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
