That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Randomize
