In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
So much rum. So many feels.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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