you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
