Ketchup is God's man juice
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
