Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
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I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
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Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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