Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
