I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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