After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
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