Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
