The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
