Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I just made out with a guy for $7.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
