I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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