Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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