Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
