Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Randomize
