I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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