bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
