I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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