I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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