Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Who died my cat blue again?
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
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