EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
