I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
