i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
