if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
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He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
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Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
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