Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
