I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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